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Paying GF rent

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AtotheC
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Paying GF rent  Reply with quote  

Hi. Not sure this is the right forum but thought I would try.

My girlfriend and I have decided to move in together. And when I say “move in together” what I mean is I will be moving in to her house that she owns (pays a mortgage). I have been living in an apartment since my ex and I split up over 3 years ago. I think we are both all in on the relationship but the issue of finances is becoming somewhat of an issue (aka my rent). I believe we are reasonable people and will figure it out but I thought I would seek some unbiased advice to maybe help with the process. We aren’t arguing but we aren’t on the same page yet. And I don’t see this as being deal breaker by any means.

I am currently paying $1240 for rent for myself and my 6 year old daughter whom I have stay with me every other weekend. I see her during the week but she does not stay with me. My GF has a mortgage of ~$1500 on a nice 2 bedroom house, with another room we could make a third bedroom. She has two adult children, one finishing college and one working and living on his own. We would make the spare room my daughter’s room and make the extra room I mentioned, another bedroom. We both make good money, over $100k and within $10k of each other. I have an $800 child support payment and $300 in daycare every month and her additional expenses are helping with her one kid get through school ($500 for rent mostly but things certainly come up). Other than that, I feel our expenses are about the same (car, insurance, etc.). I currently have to work overtime to pay for everything though. About 8 hours a paycheck.

So, the first offer made by my GF was $1000 flat rate per month for rent and my portion of utilities. In my view, that is crazy high. One of her arguments is “Where can you find a place to rent for you and your daughter for $1000?” Making it sound like a deal but I don’t like that argument. I see it as she is already paying for the house and utilities on her own and now gets a $1000. Where I am saving maybe $350 (including my apartment utilities) and she is saving $1000. So, essentially she is paying ~$500 plus utilities and getting all the benefits of owning a house/paying the mortgage. That doesn't seem right.

I honestly think the most I would charge is $600 including utilities (and there is a part of me I think would say just move in and help with utilities and food if I were in her situation, is that a guy thing?) but I said I would pay $750 including utilities and I will pay for all of some luxury items I want such as decent internet (I like fast internet) and any streaming services I want or already have.

That’s basically it. Feel free to offer advice, criticism, name-calling, or whatever. Just trying to figure this out. Thank you.
Post Tue Dec 01, 2015 10:24 pm
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oldguy
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quote:
Other than that, I feel our expenses are about the same (car, insurance, etc.). I currently have to work overtime to pay for everything though. About 8 hours a paycheck.


Well, it depends on whether you think in terms Socialism or Free Market. If it's socialism, you believe in paying someone according to need. If it's free market, you believe in paying based on fairness.
It appears that you are basing it on need?

I would see it as an even split, $750 each, but since she had the first call, I would pay the $1000 w/o a fuss.

Tip: You guys are 2 mature middle-aged adults with grown kids, each earning $100,000. If $250/m either way is hard for you to get past, the arrangement won't last long. Eg, if you bring up that extra $250 every time you have a spat - well, just don't! Very Happy
Post Wed Dec 02, 2015 12:31 am
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littleroc02us
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I got married to a very mature woman in 2006, (I definetely wasn't as mature) and I don't remember having this type of a conversation with her before marrying. What kept it simple for us is we didn't clog up the pipes by moving in before marraige. We simply made a decison to combine our lives, our finances and everything else once we did marry. You have many wrenches thrown into the equation, kids, a house, utlitites, your own money. As you can see, doing it this way is going to be messy, but IMO if you both cannot agree on money now, how is that going to change in the future? I would seriously think this through before proceeding, you have kids to keep in mind.

Risk comes from not knowing what you're doing. (Warren Buffet)
Post Wed Dec 02, 2015 3:46 pm
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AtotheC
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I just want to know if what I am asking is reasonable. I'm not on here for relationship advice. I'm happy things worked out for you littleroc but just because you didn't have that conversation does not mean it's wrong for us. In no way. We have a great relationship and we talk and we listen. And sometimes we disagree. We are not fighting. It's a fun way for me to argue my side with unbiased opinions. If they go my way that is. Wink

And I am looking for fairness, as in socialism fair. Not free market greed. And why should I just give in? This is not a deal breaker. It's a discussion. I tried to give all the background details I thought was necessary To understand the situation fully.

Seems like you both are reading into this too much. I do appreciate the responses but it's not what I was hoping to get.
Post Thu Dec 03, 2015 1:14 am
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oldguy
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IMO, 'socialist fair' is $750 each. Very Happy
Post Thu Dec 03, 2015 2:12 am
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littleroc02us
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I guess since she owns the house and has made you an offer (which is lower then your paying now) then I would accept it if your intent is to move in with her and be roomates. I've never heard of this thing called Socailist Fair, must be a new term these days. Smile

Risk comes from not knowing what you're doing. (Warren Buffet)
Post Thu Dec 03, 2015 2:53 pm
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blixet
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Fairness is subjective and you both have different perspectives so hopefully you can come to a reasonable compromise.

If you agree that splitting expenses is fair, then half the mortgage payment is a starting point. You should also include property taxes and insurance if it is not already impounded in the house payment. Then there would need to be an inclusion for upkeep. Do you want to pay as you go and be potentially responsible for replacing a roof or digging up the plumbing? Or will you add a fixed amount that will cover your end regardless of actual cost and timing? You might find that $1000 per month is a good deal.

Another way of looking at it is as a landlord/tenant arrangement. In this case, the size of her house payment is irrelevant (to you at least). If the the house was paid off, would it be fair for a tenant to expect to live for free? You might find the fair market rent of similar rental properties in the neighborhood. Then if you consider yourselves roommates and are willing to split the rent, divide it in half and see what that would come to. Maybe it tilts more toward the lower or higher end of each of your current anchor points ($750/$1000).

Information is more valuable sold than used – Fischer Black
Post Fri Dec 04, 2015 1:57 pm
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AtotheC
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Ok. You brought up some good points. Insurance and taxes are part of the mortgage. I will be paying some of that essentially while getting no tax benefit so that is probably a wash. And I think those are the things that she isn't taking into consideration. She just sees a mortgage payment and not everything attached to it. I am already involved in upkeep and have no problem helping out with minor repairs and general upkeep, especially yard work. Major repairs and/or renovations? I would do any work necessary but I think that stuff is directly related to value and equity. I certainly don't want a cut of that if she sells it. I may benefit from it but that seems like a different conversation.

I do like the idea of looking at similar rentals and splitting that. That may make us both happy. I will see about that. We are trying to find some flat monthly rate so she can just pay the bills like she already does without having to ask for half of every single bill. Maybe we can use that market rent as a baseline.

Thanks for the response!
Post Fri Dec 04, 2015 4:30 pm
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dozulu
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If it were me, I would be making a full list of shared expenses for living together.

Will you be eating out of the same food supply? One can assume so. The food bill should be halved apart from anyone needing caviar on crackers. If you are not careful you can make yourself crazy calculating what is exactly one persons expenses.

When you go out to eat, get separate checks or decide to split the restaurant bills down the middle.

Make a list of her house expenses.

Mortgage
Taxs should be her expense because it is her deed
Insurance
Electric
Water/Sewer/Garbage
Natural Gas
Anything else that is billed monthly.

It seems that her shoot from the hip number of $1000 monthly is a wild guess number.
Put aside your ideas that this should be calculated based on who makes what or who pays what. If you dont keep these sort of concerns away from the nuts and bolts of money, you will breed conflict.

Good luck!
Post Fri Dec 04, 2015 5:12 pm
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